Journaltastic

I'd forgotten that I'd kept a journal....this is from when dan and i got back together 2 Januarys ago, when something very hard happened that we had to deal with immediately upon restarting our relationship. Trying to convince him even then, that this was worth it, in poem form.

~~~~

It is a question of knowing and not knowing.
The overlapping and coalescing, if they fall
in an admirable pattern. Take these designs
that were presented to you--easily
seamlessly--and decide they will
not do. There's been no consideration
given to the messes.

When I think of you tonight it is as
a wood violet. I will lend no explanation
to this imagery because there are too many
words. I'm tired of prying. Isn't it enough
that we've discovered this much? I love
you and you love me and frankly
that's enough for now.

If you insist on believing in chaos
believe in the benevolent kind
that provides quarters on train platforms and
keys returned to proper pockets. You
waste your time worrying that all this
means nothing, when I know, unconditionally,
that the good chaos abounds.

I will say Sparrow and you will say Chloe
and we'll trip the names across our tongues until
they form one perfect word. And on that day
we will agree forever for one flat minute
before returning to our cantankerous
and beloved singularities, the ones
that ballast this arc between us
and makes all love possible. I would
not love you without your arguments, bereft
of the questions whose only assignment is
good. To say that there is worry between us
is to simplify excess. My heart is
spilling over with you.

In the months we were unknown
to each other I could write
no poems. Now they hover in my throat,
small birds half swallowed.
If I drew myself tonight,
scratches and wax on parchment paper, I would color
in orange and rose and burgundy. All this just
another way to tell you again,
that I love you.