Christmas in Oakland

Spending your winter holiday in relative aloneness is a worthwhile endeavor. I realized that I went into this holiday weekend with some feelings of trepadation, and those feelings were mainly linked to the feelings of similar loneliness I had last year, when I was surrounded by Dan's relatives in rural Massachusetts. It's so funny to reflect on that time, when D and I were experiencing a honeymoon period exclusive to that trip, and in retrospect, based mostly on his feelings of unease. I was the most familiar and cool person around, so it was easy for him to love me at the time. That quickly changed upon our return.

So, I think I was a little afraid of feeling that way again--distanced. And while I spent a lot of this evening at Carla and Stefanie's house in a quiet state, I wasn't lonely. It was nice, watching Star Wars and eating stuffed mushrooms and delicious pork loin and drinking Chardonney left over from when Michelle was here at Thanksgiving, surrounded by friends and newcomers. Jeff's genuine excitement at Mark Hamill's bad acting, Carla's mom-routine at the stove, the coziness of friends sitting around a kitchen table.

After dropping Elly off at SFO on Christmas Eve morning at 7, I drove to 4th Street and picked up coffee and a cheese danish, and then Ozzie and I went to the beach and watched the morning fog lift off the ocean. There were sea shells washed up in a perfect line on the sand, and the terns bobbed at a safe dog distance on the water. It was so peaceful. We then drove up to the edge of the racetrack and stuck our heads out the window, watching the horses get their exercise. Their nostrils shot plumes of condensed breath into the bright sunny air, and one of the jockeys waved his crop and said good morning to me. The horses danced sideways at a canter down the track, yanking at their reins, and when they got to the inside track they took off like bullets down the straightaway, their jockeys motionless and raised in their stirrups. I have so much respect for their calf muscles.

Ozzie and I biked to Carla and Stefanie's. She wore her Muttlucks, since it's about a mile and a half over concrete and asphalt and broken glass each way. Here she is taking a breather on the Mandala Parkway greenspace.


Happy holidays to everyone. I look forward to seeing Children of Men, to having dinner at Peter's, to the arrival of Luci, and to the insanity of New Year's Eve bartending.

I miss you all. I love you all.