Because He Asked For It

Whenever I need a pick-me-up, I can dial in to the MPLS and rely on the Brycers to make me feel like less of an asshole. Sometimes he will even do so unsolicited, leaving drunken, often yodeling-inflected messages on my voicemail. The boy does like to yodel after drinking the Grainbelt.

For instance, here is a message he sent me last year, which I received after a particularly bad night of bartending:

"Elka (slur slur) Bryce here. I am drunk. DRUNK! I just wanted to tell you, you are (slur) best people I know. Like, if there were aliens who came down (slur) top of my car and pulling me out after they (slur) roof off the car, I know that I could call you and be like 'yo, help' and you'd come and help me. Cuz that's the kind of friend you are. Peace."

He also likes to text me from shows:

"Method Man hit me in the head with a plastic water bottle."
"Wu Tang hasn't even started and it's off the hook. Holy shit!"



and not from shows:

"I am watching the Pixies documentary. In your face, sucker. Go punch a nerd in the mouth. You'll feel better. I promise."

What are Bryce's interests? In his own words, from a social networking sight:
Talking shit about your mom, The Rawk, Juke Boxes, running, Wellstone!, drinking grainbelt in the summer months over bridges that run over rivers, universal national health care plan, cluttering my car with newspapers, swimming in lakes and/or rivers, NBA playoffs, shit paying but spiritually edifying social servant jobs, apple pie alamode, sledding, single screen movie theaters, the 95 theses, I plan on making more time to read, Jameson's Irish Whiskey, mexican food, comic books, and the Twins winning the World Series.

Bryce is crazy about a lady, though it's a little on the d.l. Because he doesn't like to think that he could like anything more than the Twins and basketball and caring for really screwed up teenagers. Sometimes he calls me and you can tell he wants o start crying because of all the fucked up things that have happened to the kids that he works with. Bryce is in grad school for social work. He is amazing. He and Peter have something in common, because they have both been bit by crazy people, though this happened to Bryce at work.


Bryce and I met rather happenstance a little over three years ago. He is one of my best friends. I love him to death. He is totally going to have to say something pithy if I ever have some sort of ceremony where someone has to stand up and attest to the person's okay-ness. Some of my favorite phrases that he repeats:

"Let's turn off the lights and make some mistakes." (said to a group of friends after drinks)
"It was like a knife fight in a phone booth." (for any messy situation)

He is, perhaps, the most amazing blend of funny, sincere, sloppy drunk, and big-hearted that I have ever met. And he went to Lutheran seminary! (But dropped out after drinking too much, good for him!)

I totally love this dude. He rocks the world. He says funny RAWK things like "I wish I was this age in MPLS in the mid-80s, with the Husker Du and the Prince and the Replacements rocking this fucking town." Thanks Bryce. Thanks for being such a good friend for the past three years. I wish we didn't live 2,000 miles away from each other. Then we could drink more pitchers, stalk Paul Westerberg, and listen to the RAWK together.